#selfpost #self

Mom's ok, safe and sound at home. I'm back at work. The camera deletion issue has been resolved, and all the gear is clean and ready to go. So, the question then arises here at the tail end of summer, where we hiking? I have taken a few photos offhand since the Pilot Mountain kerfluffle, but I haven't had personal time to go out until, well, now.

My best bets are this upcoming Friday and Saturday, but I'm not used to this time of year... I'm gonna either need rain gear at the ready, or be able to bail to shelter on a moment's notice. There's one place I know of perfect for that, Hanging Rock Lake Park. I also wanna know more about a place around the upper west side of Winston called "The West End". It's hilly, with lots of tiny shops and eclectic buildings.

Either-or will do, not too picky, but I am more partial to the woods.

That'll be a good intro back into things, and since I made this post, I've retroactively kicked my own ass into gear by having to hold myself to my own word now instead of "maaaaaybe I'll go, maaaaaybe I won't, maaaaaaybe I'll go back to sleep" lol.

This is how my motivation works.

Now I have to go, because I said I would.

Ain't no taker-backer.

So it's on record, trans rights are human rights. All humans deserve human rights.

There are no qualifications necessary beyond being sentient, genetically homo-sapien, and having a pulse.

Human? Okay, you get rights.

Everyone experiences loss, gain, expectation, fear, and joy and anyone can experience abuse. There is no separation between you and others besides space and mindset, and no one deserves abuse or misfortune just because someone else can't agree on a gender classification.

I'm in the body I agree with, but I couldn't imagine being so bullheaded that I demanded everyone else walk the line they were born with for my sake. Who is anyone to demand their personal preferences on anyone else? Who is anyone to tell anyone else how to live at all? As things go, this is the most anti-me thing there can be! Imagine if everyone was 100% who they are 100% of the time, no closets and no doors. What a colorful and truthful world we'd have.

One of the major flaws of humans -to me, is that we hide things as trivial as eating a piece of candy and as major as how we view ourselves. Admitting and owning yourself isn't just right, it's truth, and you should never deny truth.

#transrights #self #selfpost

Some people have prayer, I have three hours, a pack of black and mild originals, an orange monster and a shade tree next to the car.

I never knew this due to willful ignorance, but b&m tobacco is literally an aromatic pipe blend. It's really mellow, and it hits like a pipe, all mouth, no inhale. It's like a hug in stick-form, but it has almost no backbone. It lacks "oomph", but right now, it'll do. I'm sure it's actually killing me and while I feel I grew out of the "self improvement by means of self destruction" phase of my youth, it still hits that note, even if it isn't with the same level of angst.

I feel like that meme of Hank Hill smoking a cigarette.

Waiting on the dog groomer's. It's a few hours. I need a few hours.

Mom is okay, still terminal, but okay for now. She's got more months than weeks to live, but the transition to home hospice has been testy. Still, I'm glad she's comfortable, safe and alive for the time being. I go back to work Sunday night. The RNs and CNAs kick in full-swing for her next week so I can back off a little.

I'm just gonna resonate with the universe for a good while. I wish I could pass out in a jacuzzi (with guaranteed breathing).

#self #selfcare #vibing #chill

Devil's in the details
--

America isn't like other places on earth, and Americans aren't like anyone else on earth. We never say the quiet part out loud, but you know full-well what people are up to by their actions. Recently, my mother went into Hospice care, a program with zero dietary restrictions, full "Do. Not. Resuscitate." and it got me wondering at what level this place is a home for people to "die naturally" and at what level is it "assisted suicide"?

It can be hard to read between the lines on things like this with American culture. We don't want to tell anyone they're going to "unalive" soon. We don't want to face it, yet we face it though the lens of extremely jaded hospice nurses who speak death as if it's expected, even... wanted.

"It's time for her to go"

Is it? According to whom? Them? Her? Her insurance? A doctor? Every doctor? It's spoken almost as if someone ethereal knows but no one here knows. God knows? I didn't see God's name on any of the hospital or hospice paperwork. Does he work here? If he does, does he have an itinerary? When does he get off of his lunchbreak?

Two or three times I've been pulled aside and asked, almost like a shot through the veil. "What is it that you're doing, here?" chair squeak and evil eye

I'm taking care of my mother. I'm giving her what she asks for, I'm providing her the care that can be administered. Is she dying? Can anyone give me a straight answer, or is it their intention to kill her by feeding a diabetic sandwiches and sweet tea (which they do). My mom's heart has been in this condition for at least three years. Is NOW the time she dies? If it isn't at least preventable in the moment by monitoring her blood sugar, then I consider it "assisted suicide", and she wouldn't want that. She doesn't want that.

If my mother dies from a diabetic coma surrounded by nurses when she's in a hospice ward for cardiac issues, someone is getting sued. She can faint and die at home and no one would prevent it. She can faint and die here and no one would prevent it.

What is it YOU'RE doing, here?

Is this a Futurama-esque "suicide booth" in kind words or is this actually somewhere you intend for her to be for a few months, living as she lives, and taking the time she has left? What is the purpose of a hospice? To kill your loved ones or let them die slowly of their own volition? BOTH?! Yes? Maybe!?

Say the quiet part out loud, fellow Americans. Sit me down and give me the grit. No one there will. It's all "up in the air" bullshit.

"It's on God's time." 🤔

"Would you like some cake with your normal pepsi?"

SHE'S DIABETIC. THAT ISN'T "GOD'S TIME", BRO.

#self

C&D Haunted Bookshop on a calm summer morning, Missouri Meerschaum Chesapeake Cob. #pipetobacco

#self
I need to open up publicly about something. My mother is in hospice care. She's going to a private facility today. She has congestive heart failure, lots of damage to her heart and isn't healthy enough for surgery.

Right now, I'm just trying to preserve some level of normalcy, keep the animals fed, the house somewhat straight and get my mom what she needs to be happy and content day to day.

Keep us in your hearts and minds. I'm not at all religious but she is so pray if you wanna pray. She's not in any confusion or pain and is accepting the changes as best as can be hoped for.

Me, tho. Things don't hit me until weeks after they happen and the work is done, because "the work" tends to sidetrack me... but the tremor for this one is gonna be a big one, I feel. For now, though, cleaning and meditating, and then I'm headed back to the hospital to see her to her hospice room.

#Reading
Currently reading some Greek and Roman history. I got a bunch of History epubs and I've been picking through them, playing Elden Ring, and trying to keep sane.

I ain't dead, I'm surviving another petrol-state summer of burning love. It's late summer in North Carolina and that can only mean one thing, it's 90 out, humid as Satan's groin and it rains every thirty minutes.

Normally where I'd be taking off every weekend to peruse nature, I've been kicking it with some family lately, and having my pipe on my back porch instead of a log somewhere, but come fall, I will descend upon the changing leaves, and try to find you guys some cool NC mushrooms.

For now, I will be a bit more vocal about news and things online. Rest assured the fire continues.

#nc #northcarolina #self #selfcare #summer #cameras #nature #climatechange